hello, how are you?

I haven't thought much about these four words so much in my life.  The last few days, though, I realized again the beautiful importance of these words.
Only if we listen.


When I ask how are you, it can easily end with  "Fine.  Everything is going great.  Yes, yes it is."
It seems so quick.  But, it is rather convenient.
It takes a bit more work to have to engage in talking to someone.  And, sometimes we run from it because it doesn't feel very productive.  I have things to get done!

But, in those moments, those precious moments when something else isn't tugging at you, these sparkling jewels of transformation appear! And when I meet someone in that way, where I get to hear their story, my whole self lights up!  It ends up feeling very selfish.

They give me a great gift of really knowing them.  I am changed each time I choose to embrace that moment.  I learn about how someone aches for their mother years after her death.  I learn about someone's travels to the United States from another country.  I hear about someone's spouse, child, sister, brother, friend, niece, or nephew.  Others share what may be happening at work, or at their church or community.  I hear how people have tried to run their own businesses, opened their hearts to a dream, just got back from a weekend trip.  Others have shared to the point of wonderful laughter, teary eyes, and anger (yes, anger).  It is a lovely gift.  It is our connection to one another and our humanity.

Now, I know every conversation cannot be transformational, but I have encountered the beauty of others so many times when I decide to enter in after the "Hello, how are you?"  This risk we take may lead us to having to see another person beyond what we need from them at that moment.  

This week, the 5 workshop invites you to take 5 minutes, and ask someone how they are with a bit more behind it . . . curiosity to know more. 


leadership lesson:  Curiosity behind leadership is inviting.  People have ideas and stories to share.

dream builder: Our curiosity opens us up to possibilities.  When you learn about others, it is possible to learn something about yourself, too.

What does a grand piano have to do with leading?

 

What does a grand piano have to do with leading?

88 Keys.  Sleek.  Sophisticated.  The right player will captivate the audience.

Now what does that have to do with leading?

The piano forces you to embrace every aspect of music:  rhythm, sound, volume,  dynamics, emotion, focus, discipline.  When it was first developed, it could have been thought of more as a machine that should be conquered.  According to The Telegraph, it takes over 12 months and 50 people to create the perfect piano.  The grand piano can be an intimidating instrument, with so many things to control. You have to think about the notes you are playing, when to use the pedals to sustain, how long to sustain. You can dampen the sound of the notes.  You can infuse emotion into the sound.

And all of this comes from within the person.  They must think, respond, act, and pull something out of this machine that is full of emotion and still sounds like music.  A true pianist may ask if they will ever master this beautiful instrument, or if they will be a forever student in process of creating a masterpiece.

And so is leadership.  We are students of what we are leading.  We are called to listen, maybe even with more intensity that we may be willing to risk.  We have so many things to think about at one time, and yet we have to produce something grand.

Soft piano is playing now in the background in my home, bringing a sense of peace (where 5 kids are now tucked in bed), reminding me that we must not stop feeling if we are going to lead well. 

So, may we take a risk and lead with feeling, listening intently to what is happening around us.  This risk may lead us to our greatest work.

For extra fun on understanding the beauty of the grand piano, read The Telegraph Object Lesson on Steinway & Sons grand piano.  A wonderful video accompanies . . .

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/luxury/design/7593/object-lesson-the-steinway-sons-model-b-grand-piano.html

leadership lesson: Be challenged to listen in ways we have never done before, embracing a new perspective or understanding.

dream builder:  Listening & leading with feeling may lead us to discovering our greatest work.

the 5 best things I ever gave up to pursue my dreams

So, my dreams have changed over the years, that is true.  But each time I have chosen to go after one of my dreams, I knew that I must sacrifice something.  the5workshop topic for today: focusing on the 5 best things I gave up to start transforming my own life (which in turn has helped me as a leader).

The 5 best things I ever gave up to pursue my dreams . . .

the way the laundry is done
My husband and I have had to be partners for a long time as we have worked, gone to school and raise 5 kids.  When I finally admitted I needed help running the house, one of the hardest things to do was to give up how the laundry was done.  I wanted it done my way.  The strangest thing happened, though.  He didn't want to do it my way.  It was time to make a decision.  If we were going to keep up, then I was going to have to stop caring about it being my way and just take the help.  That lesson goes way beyond just the laundry.   
leadership lesson: Help is a great thing, and modeling help as a way of working together builds a solid team (even in our house).
dream builder:  It's easier to reach goals with the right support.

the idea that I can't
Somewhere along the way, each time I have been faced with a decision that would push me forward, I suddenly have this attack that paralyzes me and says, "What are you thinking?  You can't do this!  You have no idea what you are doing!"  What have I done every time I face that paralyzing moment?  I have no idea.  Nothing brilliant comes to mind.  But, here are a few tips: I decide to put one foot in front of the other and stop listening to that voice.  I think of all the people that chose to do something outside of their own comfort zone, and get inspired.  I may even check in with someone who has mentored me along the way.  I also decide that I have only one life I am living, and I don't want to miss an opportunity to learn something new.  
leadership lesson: We start seeing other people as can-do people, too.
dream builder: Find others that see you as someone full of potential and let them coach you.


fear I will say the wrong thing
This is the hardest one to give up, note the word "is."  This is an active sacrifice for me, but it no longer keeps me up at night.  I know I will say the wrong thing occasionally, and I just have to learn how to deal with it when it happens.  I may have to humble myself and ask for forgiveness if I hurt someone.  Most times, though, I have had to trust in my relationships enough that people will come to me if I said something wrong.  And public speaking?  Well, I just keep working on that one.  Sometimes I just dare myself to do it.  Other times, I have worked with coaches and mentors along the way to help me polish some of my speaking and writing skills.
leadership lesson:  If we say the wrong thing and hurt someone (even an employee or  child), it's OK to be humble about it.  We may have to ask for forgiveness occasionally.
dream builder: Our voice is a very powerful tool that can bring great change.

my past faux pas
I daily make mistakes, and I have also made big ones over my lifetime.  This one is simple.  We are not who we were yesterday.  We wake up every day and have to make a choice to live differently and accept those things, forgive them, and even use them to remind us that we have come a long way and can be grateful for that.  It is a great reminder to keep making choices that will positively affect our future.  
leadership lesson: Lead others like we are watching them transform before our very eyes.    
dream builder: We are not who we were yesterday (we all can choose to be transformed).


unforgiveness
This is a big one.  As leaders and parents, we don't even like to talk about it.  I am not sure I have ever heard the word forgiveness in a business setting.  It is a big topic, and may require a lot of deep work.  Find someone you trust, and ask them to help.  My own lack of forgiveness has, at times, affected my ability to lead well.  Not everyone will appreciate this one, so risk-takers welcome!
leadership lesson:  Forgiveness leads to thriving relationships and is not limited to just our family.
dream builder:  Forgiveness is freedom.  Letting go of things that hold us back is always a good thing.


 

Launching the 5 workshop January 12. 10:57 pm. the Sunday before Monday. 2014.