Just One More Thing. . . Featuring a Drummer and the Wendy's Drive Thru

For those of you that have been waiting for this blog post, let me introduce you to my husband.  He is the drummer who makes me laugh, and cool dad to our 5 kids. 

  Just one more thing . . .

So, when my wife asked me to be a guest blogger, which is apparently different from a website, Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest, I was a bit intimidated.  I don’t like social media very much and I’m certainly not up to speed on the latest trends, socially accepted norms, and ways of communicating without having to actually be present. 

As a matter of fact, I felt a bit like I was in a Wendy’s drive thru being pressured to order promptly while my 5 kids shout their orders at me.  Jen usually tries to reassure me to breathe and remember it's not the end of the world.

I’m not completely sure why I felt this way about writing, but I think it’s partly due to me thinking Jen is such a great creative writer, and knowing although I do have something valuable to offer, I am worried I won't get my message across.  And then there’s the whole thing of it being public.  Anyways, that being said, I have taken the plunge and went ahead with my first “blog” on the worldwide web (a.k.a. the internet).

So, I’m coming to terms with the reality that remaining emotionally in control when the pressure is on is still a struggle. That’s right, I’m a man with many struggles –but don’t worry I’m not in Corporate America, so I can publicly admit it without legal implications.  

Whether it’s a big issue or small (a la Wendy’s drive thru), I’ve noticed some of the same behaviors.  Often times my perception of pressure differs from Jen’s, considering our unique relationship.  That's for another blog post.

What exactly happens to me in the drive-thru anyway?  Funny as that question may sound, some deeply embedded feelings are worth exploring in how they affect me, and the people who have the unfortunate privilege of being around me when I feel that “pressure.” 

I know I am not an imposition, but that’s one of the first feelings that hit me when I don’t have my family’s order together (food, schedule, life-order etc.).  I feel the need to apologize as though I’m wasting their time.  After all “they” (the establishment -substitute your own here if you want) could find out how dysfunctional we are for not planning ahead, kids screaming, and some guy not being able to form sentences in the English language.  

Now that I think about it, I’m probably the reason fast food chains came up with the numbers system when ordering.   At the very least, all I have to do is hold up the number four in my hand or scream out “a six, a two . . . no make that three twos and two ones…and go biggie on that one two in the middle.”    By that time, I give a glance over to Jen.  I am begging for some mercy from her to not make me order any more.  But the famous last words always come.  I say “you know, I’m sorry, just one more thing . . .”  

It feels like chaos to me, both internally and externally.  Shame is reminding me that I don’t quite have it altogether like I should for dad of my age, or maybe this is a reflection of my lack of great parenting.   In reality, I know these things aren’t true. Yet, in those hectic moments, I quickly want to start imposing that shame in the form of rules and policies like “We are never coming back here again!” “Stop making a mess!”

Or I just order the same thing for everyone.  I immediately want to control things because it feels so out of control.

That response is the opposite of what I really should be doing most of the time.  Achieving a balanced perspective in that moment is obviously elusive to me. 

Then, I suddenly have this funny thought.

What if I was the one in the window taking the orders and I saw this guy doing all this?  As the van rolls up to the window, I think I would say to the guy, “Bro, it’s cool.  You know, you are paying for this. Relax.”

What is the point here?  Grace is hard.  It is hard to offer to yourself and to others.  I think having grace is essential to achieving that balance of perspective, and to maintain emotional intelligence.  Religious or not, in moments of chaos, there has to be a way to cling to some kind of grace.  For you and for those around you.

leadership lesson:  Grace is hard.  Do it anyway.

dream builder:  Step outside of yourself for a moment to gain a new perspective of the situation.  You may be surprised at the grace you can actually have toward yourself.

World Changers: Plays on Spotify

http://open.spotify.com/user/jenalopez2379/playlist/2p6K1c5I7SxuaNw8t80Q3G

Enjoy the rainy afternoon with a few recommendations to get your ideas flowing.

If it is not raining where you are, you can still listen in the car, at the beach, or while you clean.

Here's to your endeavors!

Mountains, Time, and My Tears

Mountains, Time, and My Tears

The Pennsylvania mountains stretch before me.  I have a car full of kids filled with excitement and wonder.  I am next to the guy that decided to join me on this adventure (among many others).

My life looks very different than the last few times I approached these mountains.  As the soft curves of green trees fill up my view, memories flood my heart and hot tears stream down my face.  The last two times I traveled here were to escape. We were going through some difficult times, and heading out to get away from it all seemed like a good idea.

So for years I avoided this mountainous highway because of these very things.  Emotion.  Feeling.  Fear.  It is as if these mountains held secrets captive for me, and I could never face this place again.  For a time, it was OK to shut this place down.  I had a lot of other life I was living.

But now as I drive this highway, I can’t keep the tears back even if I try.  I reach over to my husband, hold his hand, look through the windows, and experience a whole wave of emotions.  Gratitude is primary.  This trip is healing, and the healing is sweet.

“Home” is the word that crosses my mind.  I had never lived here before, but this is where my life essentially began.  My grandparents met and married here.  My parents traveled these roads on the way to college.  I was born while they were in college.  I traveled here for Thanksgiving with all my family one year.  I came here right after my dad died.  The last time I was here, my husband and I escaped for a weekend away after going through a difficult time in our marriage and family. 

Gratitude isn’t really the number one emotion I felt would come to me when I approached this place again.  But, even as I write this, I smile.  This is how I desire to live life.  I want to know that the most unexpected beautiful thing can come from a whole lot of unexpected not so beautiful things, and that you can keep choosing life and choosing to face that which may hold you captive.  I traveled to these mountains because my heart was ready.  I want my children to know history, meet my dad’s family, and now be our own family in a place of solitude, freedom and serenity.

There is nothing else to describe this, except that I had one more chance to face myself.  To embrace the fact that all of these things had to take place to bring me right here to this moment—to do the things I have done, to hope for the things I have yet to do, and to be here now enjoying what I have been given.   

Yes, I believe in second chances (probably more like third, fourth, and then some).

Why does this matter?   It matters because we are human, and we are built on relationships and connection.  And we cannot be authentically connected with others unless we are authentically connected with ourselves.  Our souls do not leave when we show up at work.  They certainly don’t leave if we become parents.  Our soul doesn’t cease to exist when we take on our profession or we move to a new place to start over.   We all come from somewhere.  We are here today because we were born into something.  Even if it is not a perfect story, it is our story.  And we are becoming someone new every day.  Every life event that happens teaches us something, and we can carve out our path in response to it.  Along the way, we will still feel pain, sorrow, illness, betrayal, fear.  Yes, we will.  I certainly cannot understand some of these things and struggle at times to find answers.  I just want to shut them down and move on.

Today, though, I let this trip be a new experience.  

Sometimes the mountains we climb lead us right back home.   There are also times we do need to start over.  Whatever it is, we can experience it fully.  Live it and breathe it in.  And in the process, while we are working and parenting and leading, I hope we give others the gift of knowing that they have a story, too.  And that it does not have to be the ending.  Right now, right here, we are part of that for each other.  What world will we create?  What memories will we make? What legacy will we leave?

Everything led us here.  Home tells a story.  Face it, feel it, find sweetness in it.  Then, when we are willing to hand it over, we can find some new ground, and we choose a glorious path every time we do it.  We now start a story that our grandchildren will tell and their grandchildren will tell.  Yes, we have to leave our story behind a few times to make way for new things, especially if there are painful things that keep us from being authentic.  There are some of us that need to simply let go of it and give ourselves permission to be new.   

For me, after all these years, I realize I want my great grandchildren to visit these mountains one day.  My hope is that they will see all of it, take the pieces that mean something to them, and carve their own path.

leadership lesson:  Authentic leadership is about knowing yourself and others well.

dream builder:  Keep the parts of your story that mean something.  Let go of the other stuff.  Create your own legacy.

Be Classy

Yes, I am a bit old fashioned.

Lately the dinner music in our house has been Tony Bennett.  There is something about his smooth voice and the wonderful classics that brings out the old fashioned side of myself.  The music is all about the feel-good vibes we need to bring to our day.  Not only that, but it just has some class.

That class really shines when we talk about service.  If only everyone could have the smooth edge of Tony Bennett or the ease of a good jazz standard as they deliver world-class service.

Lately, I have just been happening to notice when people stand out with some class.  It is not just that they want to deliver more than what we expect, but they have a genuine ease in serving.  And they aren't afraid to have a bit of an old fashioned touch.

One example was my recent visit to a local hardware store.   I have to admit I was delighted because of the attention to details you wouldn't normally expect.  They remembered my name, they smiled, they had a big stone fireplace for cold, rainy days.  In a hardware store?  Yes!  And, my kids and I really loved that they used old Radio Flyers for you to lug your goodies from the greenhouse.  They helped you to your car, and even loaded it up for you.  Yes, that is what I am talking about.  Good old-fashioned class. Looks a little different from a jazz standard, but has the same feel-good vibe.  It made me look forward to my next visit and a proud new customer. 

So, class comes in many different forms, but let's go back to Tony Bennett.

From New York Magazine:

 “…his voice is still a technical marvel, and no one else on Earth can make a lyric written eight decades ago sound as natural as a conversation at a coffee shop.”

This summer, The Five Workshop challenges you to Be Classy.  Bring a little Tony Bennett to your day.


leadership lesson:  Being classy is really all about authenticity in serving and not being afraid to be a bit old-fashioned.

dream builder:  Look for opportunities to create a feel-good vibe and a touch of class in everything you do.  It stands out, brings joy, and never gets old.

Now, for your listening pleasure, sit back and enjoy.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIrcxGdyUdk


 

 

#adayinthelifeofme: April 25: Don't Wait Until You're Dying to Really Live

A great read from my friend Jacqui.  Thanks, Jacqui!

#adayinthelifeofme: April 25: Don't Wait Until You're Dying to Really Live

Look Again

Bring on the Chandelier

Re-imagining the Flower Stand

A modern coffee shop

It is Saturday.  I wake up at 3:30 in the morning and I can't sleep.  Sometimes this time in the morning brings the unusual quiet I need to think.  What do I do?  Well, naturally, I start up my computer and decide to listen to a message on being limitless.  Now that is a sure way to get me back to sleep!

The message challenges me in this quiet hour of the morning with two words: "Look again."  Being limitless means being able to go back and see something (even if it just feels like a little bit of nothing) from a different perspective, with an eye of appreciation, or a mind that inquires, "How can I make something more of this?"

It is like going back in the kitchen cupboards and seeing what kind of meal you can create out of a few ingredients.  It can be very limiting to have only a few things, but it may also inspire a new and creative recipe.

I was inspired all week to test this out.  Pictured above are places where I looked again at Cleveland. This city is a place that is being reborn, and every time I venture out, I find a surprise by giving myself permission to look again.

So, I embarked on some adventures inspired by those very words.  I enjoyed a day at the park right in my neighborhood, wading in a creek, walking through the trees, and eating PB & J on a big swing while the kids played on the playground. 

I took a lunch break to check out the amazing new chandelier in Playhouse Square.  The design is fascinating, and I am really curious to see how it bears these Cleveland winters!  I can already imagine the beautiful crystals glistening above the snowy streets.

Then, I had a fabulous time at the 5th Street Arcades on Thursday.  It is buzzing with coffee and tea shops, clothing stores, and plenty of food places that include sugary treats to vegan delights.  I even picked up a little bunch of paper roses at a fresh take on a flower shop called Love Anji.  My lunch walk reminded me to notice the stunning architecture of the arcades, with intricate details in the buildings and wonderful sky lights.

So, the 5 workshop sends a challenge your way this spring. 
Look again.  Before condemning something or writing it off as nothing, take a second look.  Take even a little bit of something and build on it.  From the message: "Look again.  Go look again in your community, in your church, in your city, in your home, in your family, in your marriage . . . Go look again!"

It works everywhere.  Sometimes, we even write ourselves off as people who don't have anything really great to give.  We may have failed or took a detour on our life journey. 
We may even write others off as being useless or lacking potential or worse yet, total failures.  Well, what if we look again?  We all love the idea of buried treasure . . . so let's find one thing we can appreciate.  And then take it one more step:  see how we can turn it into something more.

leadership lesson:  Looking again is a great way to see potential that leads to transformation.

dream builder: Looking again may inspire a new adventure or spark a new idea on something where we felt all hope was lost.

If you want to know more about the 5th Street Arcades, take a peek at the website!  The story is sure to inspire.

http://www.5thstreetarcades.com/info/aboutUs

hello, how are you?

I haven't thought much about these four words so much in my life.  The last few days, though, I realized again the beautiful importance of these words.
Only if we listen.


When I ask how are you, it can easily end with  "Fine.  Everything is going great.  Yes, yes it is."
It seems so quick.  But, it is rather convenient.
It takes a bit more work to have to engage in talking to someone.  And, sometimes we run from it because it doesn't feel very productive.  I have things to get done!

But, in those moments, those precious moments when something else isn't tugging at you, these sparkling jewels of transformation appear! And when I meet someone in that way, where I get to hear their story, my whole self lights up!  It ends up feeling very selfish.

They give me a great gift of really knowing them.  I am changed each time I choose to embrace that moment.  I learn about how someone aches for their mother years after her death.  I learn about someone's travels to the United States from another country.  I hear about someone's spouse, child, sister, brother, friend, niece, or nephew.  Others share what may be happening at work, or at their church or community.  I hear how people have tried to run their own businesses, opened their hearts to a dream, just got back from a weekend trip.  Others have shared to the point of wonderful laughter, teary eyes, and anger (yes, anger).  It is a lovely gift.  It is our connection to one another and our humanity.

Now, I know every conversation cannot be transformational, but I have encountered the beauty of others so many times when I decide to enter in after the "Hello, how are you?"  This risk we take may lead us to having to see another person beyond what we need from them at that moment.  

This week, the 5 workshop invites you to take 5 minutes, and ask someone how they are with a bit more behind it . . . curiosity to know more. 


leadership lesson:  Curiosity behind leadership is inviting.  People have ideas and stories to share.

dream builder: Our curiosity opens us up to possibilities.  When you learn about others, it is possible to learn something about yourself, too.